Some things are easier said than done. Have you ever thought about what you would act if you found out that your partner was cheating on you? Although this is not easy to think about, it’s hard to not let that thought cross your mind. More likely than not you have thought about this and you have decided on what to do at that moment. You may have decided to leave, or you may get try to get even on him/her. And most of the time, your plan doesn’t go the way you expected and you end up doing the exact opposite. One man did something quite unique when he found out that his wife had been cheating on him while he wasn’t around. He wrote a note to the dude she was cheating with, and read… To the guy doing my wife. You know who you are. Yes, I know. No, I am not angry, I would just ask a few things of you. After all, you are giving it to my wife.
1. Please stop leaving the seat up, I keep getting blamed and it is starting to get old.
2. You may be giving me a chance to go fishing more often but please stop drinking all my beer.It is fine if you have a couple while you visit (god knows I drink plenty before I find her attractive), but please leave me a few as I have to be there longer than you.
3. If you do drink the last one buy more or leave money on the counter I will pick some up. 4. Please replace the toilet paper when you use it all. For some reason, my 5-year-old son believes if it is not there he does not have to wipe. We keep it under the sink unless you can recommend a better spot?
5. After doing my wife please use something disposable to wipe off with. The basket of clothes on the right is mine and the clothes are clean as my wife does not do my washing, I run out of time rushing to work. Last week my sweatshirt was crusty(thanks).
6. Please do not tell my children that you are their uncle, they are young not mentally challenged. 7. Please stop turning the heat up, You pay nothing and electric company is putting it on my ass, my wife may like it but I think it hurts.
8. When she asks “do these pants make me look fat,” say no. You may think giving a different answer will make her think twice about eating a gallon of ice cream a day but all you are doing is giving her a reason to go buy more pants that she will look just as fat in.
9. Stop eating the baked goods. The brownies you ate were from my mom for my birthday. My wife has not cooked anything that good for years and if she does she will not share. 10. Try shifting your weight when you sit in my chair. The recliner that I rarely have time for (soccer games and practice, the basketball camp for the kids takes much of my time and I try to help with school work too)has a grove in it that forces me to roll to the left.
Lastly, I would like to thank you for taking her to lunch on Valentines Day. She was not as hungry as usual and only ordered one meal. I may be able to use the money I saved to take the children to a movie. I hope you can help me with these items, it may become awkward if I have to confront her. If you can do this for me I will give you a heads up on when I will be gone and for how long so that you don’t feel rushed.
P.S. I am going to take the kids to the Great Wolf Lodge on the 3rd of April for four days, I have a bottle of vodka above the fridge if you find yourself low on beer.